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Sign in., Big Ass Spider!
Big Ass Spider! The film opens with Alex going to the emergency room for treatment after suffering a bite from an ordinary, small ass spider. While Alex flirts awkwardly with his improbably hot care provider of normal-ass size, the coroner is busy in the morgue examining the body of a dead ass scientist. When the coroner is attacked by a medium ass spider hiding in the scientist's body bag, Alex agrees to slay the beast in lieu of paying his expensive ass hospital bill. So much for Obamacare, amirite? When Major Ass Army Guy Ray Wise arrives with his foxy ass army lady assistant and a smart ass scientist who explains that the spider in question had been exposed to an experimental growth serum intended to end world hunger by creating big ass cows, big ass chickens and big ass strawberries, Alex and his sidekick, Jose "The Mexican Robin" Ramos, team up with a big ass squad of tough ass army dudes, to kick the holy LV out of the rapidly expanding Areanus gluteus maximus.